Maya Shankar, a New York Times bestselling author and host of the podcast “A Slight Change of Plans”, offers valuable strategies for managing life's unexpected upheavals. Life often takes unexpected turns, such as a diagnosis, a breakup, or losing a job, leading to uncertainty that can impact our sense of self. Shankar, whose acclaimed book “The Other Side of Change” explores these themes, has dedicated her work to helping others navigate through these challenges.
Identity in Times of Change
Shankar understands how quickly life can shift. At 15, she pursued her dream of being a professional violinist at Juilliard under the tutelage of Itzhak Perlman. However, a finger injury during practice changed everything.
In an instant, her identity as a musician was stripped away. “I didn’t just feel like I was grieving the instrument,” she reflects. “I felt like I was grieving the loss of myself in this much more foundational way.”
Through her journey, Shankar discovered a powerful method to cope with life’s challenges. She emphasizes that we can cultivate resilience by defining our identities based on why we do things, rather than merely what we do.
She realized that her passion for the violin stemmed from forging emotional connections with others. Losing the instrument didn’t mean losing that essence; she just needed to find new ways to connect.
Forging New Paths
Shankar redirected her focus, earning degrees in cognitive science from Yale and Oxford and completing a postdoctoral fellowship at Stanford. She later served as a Senior Policy Advisor in the Obama White House and became Google’s Senior Director of Behavioral Economics.
Despite her impressive career, her interest in adaptation remained strong. In 2021, she launched her podcast to explore change more deeply, engaging a diverse range of guests about their transformative experiences, including illness, addiction, and career shifts.
This endeavor also inspired her book, “The Other Side of Change: Who We Become When Life Makes Other Plans,” where she delves into the experiences of others facing significant life changes and identifies helpful tools.
Strategies for Embracing Change: Finding Awe and Moral Beauty
Shankar encourages her audience to find awe and wonder during transitions. She describes this as experiencing something vast that exceeds our comprehension, whether through nature, music, or art.
Additionally, she highlights the importance of recognizing “moral beauty”—acts of courage, kindness, or resilience in others during tough times. These moments can provide perspective and broaden our understanding of what is possible.
Practicing Self-Affirmation
Another key technique Shankar advocates is self-affirmation exercises. This involves listing meaningful aspects of your life that remain unaffected by the current change.
For example, during a rough patch in a relationship, you might focus on your spiritual life. If work is tough, consider the supportive community around you. “This helps remind you that your existence is multifaceted, easing the pressure on a single identity,” she explains.
Shankar shares her personal experience with this exercise during a difficult time while trying to start a family. Initially resistant, she found that reflecting on her broader life brought her a renewed sense of wholeness, despite the ongoing challenges.
“I went to bed feeling more intact,” she recalls, appreciating the support of her husband through the process.
“He’s so wonderful. Love you, Jimmy. Shout out to Jimmy.”
